Wednesday, 28 September 2011

i wanna be a kid again. DON'T YOU?

i wanna be a kid again. or someone who just got into her teens. who is so excited, and cant wait to be a girl. who is unaware of this cruel, big, mean world. who can do what ever her mind tells her to. who can wear anything without having second thoughts. cry in front of the whole world. who is not afraid of what people will call her, or fret about what names would people call her from. most importantly, who thinks love is the one hot boyfriend, who fake promises her to be with her forever, believes him, and thinks this is who she were born in this world to be with.

i wanna runaway. runaway from this world. from this home. from these friends. from this life. i wanna run somewhere, far, far away. somewhere, where being happy and being yourself wont be a sin.

everything around me, makes me wonder, if what i really want to have such a big sin? or is what i wanna do so unfair to the people i love. is not talking to anyone, is called being mean, or is me not getting highest grades in my class quizes, a disappointment to my parents?
and people, trying to help me get. a. LIFE. call that salvation? i dont get this world. i dont get what people are, and who they want to be. the deeper i dig in, the more scarier it becomes. i cant call myself depressed, i think i am just scared.

i sometimes want to know a person, who i could ask this stuff from. who could help me know what life really means. and who could give me answers to all these silly yet effusive questions, and also answerable ones, to alot of people.
i ask my dad, and he says, u are just bummed, cause of the work load on your shoulders, from university. how do i tell him, its nothing to do with the work load, or maybe he understands what i ask, but dont answer cause he wants me to find out this real world, myself?
i ask my mom, and she says, only if my dad were alive, and he could answer to all these questions in your head. i know she is right, and yeah, he could answer to all these questions, but now hes not here, and thats not my fault, right?
i ask my brother, and he says, do i look like a philosopher to you?
i ask my best friend, and she says, shes all alone, in this big, scary world, herself?

i cant ask my sister, cause she is just a kid, who got into her teens, and who wouldnt know, what i am talking about. i wanna be just like her. a KID. whose going to school, coming back, eating, sleeping, doing homework, watching television, and sleeping again is LIFE. who knows, she can call out mom, and she will be there with her. who knows, if she shouts babaaaaaa, he will be there to help her solve her math queries.
WHY CANT WE SOLVE LIFE, JUST LIKE WE SOLVE MATHS QUESTIONS? or even if we cant, can ask someone who is good at it, and get highest grade in it? or can look up for the answers at the end of the punjab textbook board mathematics book?

is life not supposed to be easy? or is this difficult, only for me?

i just wanna be a kid again, who doesnt fret about losing the things he/she already has, and who doesnt fret about the things, he/she wanna have!


  1. I was thinking the exact same thing while substituting today!
    There was this bunch of seventh graders and they were complaining about a guy who insulted them as if it was the most important thing in the world.

  2. this is so true! i have had these questions brimming all my life and just today when i was havinga conversation with myself alone on the terrace with God alone to hear it and feeling i know i wont be ever able to say the same things to him, as i wont even remember it or might feel he wont care for it or even understand it to respond to it ... i wodner why God made only him the best confidante and not someone from the real world... and even if there is one why is he so inaccessible... while we are alone left to answer... and figure out all ourselves, to do the right and to be happy too...

    loved the way u have written... cudnt have been expressed better or more clearly and simply...

    i still feel i am a kid... love it sometimes and hate it other times... still cant do a thing abt it.

  3. your post hits home, spend more time with life & you'll have even more unanswerable questions added to these ones..........

    what i cant really ever understand is that why people interfere in your life-
    it's fine with parents , they have every right to do so but of other people - they dun let live

  4. awwwwwwwww u express what you have inside so beautifully that it makes the reader lost in your words.
    even though i also just entered my teens :P but i understand you easily....
    At every point of your life you think that other is i dont want to live this way going to school doing home work and all this stuff i think that being in college or uni is way too cool no fix time for classes no load of home work etc etc but the fact is that i don't realize what i have right now! Cause when i'd be old thats when i'd want these days back.Of course you want your "kido days" back butjust like this after a decade or two u'd want to live ur uni years again....and the cycle will never'd always miss the time that has gone. enjoy the time in which you are right now and live it to ur fullest.
    Time is very precious once lost u can never have it back

    Yes its true that sometimes you just wanna run away from everyone. It happens but when you look at the problems you get depressed so don't ever look at the problems look at its solutions cause that will always give you a hope =)

    P.S don't compare ur life with boring mathematics punjab textbook cause its all black and white :P

  5. as you said, you want to be like your kid sis...and i think if somebody asks here, she would answer exactly the same thing..she wants to be you!!! thats what we school we want to go to college and in college we want university and in university we want job and family and then... we want to be kids... i think nobody can answer these questions why we behave this way...

  6. There was only one word in my mind when I finished reading your post. And I am pretty much sure anyone who claims that the post relates to them too, has lost it while growing up. I being no exception.


  7. easy girl... relax.. take a deep breath and exhale slowly... you know i could pitch in things in here just to make you feel better (things which are nothing but words of sympathy, which, by the way, are always fake) but i won't...

    this life is a test from God. there is nothing to it more than that. everything you do, your every action and every word is being monitored. and tests are hard. you might never truly understand the reason behind the happening of anything, but there's always a reason, God has planned it all.

    to make it through til the end there is nothing; NOTHING, i repeat, you can do, except believe in Allah. talk to him, ask him to guide you. and he will. because he always does, HE is the all knowing and all hearing.

    lovers grow old, men learn to hate their wives, parents depart from this world and what do we have left behind? its Allah.

    jo hota hai behtari k liye hota hai, if u have faith in this sentence,i mean not just knowing it, believing it too, your strength horizon will expand.

    one day you might wake up and look at things with a different point of view and you'll realise that it is always our way of perception that makes our mind.

    and may Allah take your hand and guide you in all times, hard and happy ones. just remember k Allah bohat bara hai.

  8. I get you like totally. Sometimes I wish i could turn back time and go to that place that i love being at the most. To those sanctuaries, to those laguhs with some of the awesomest people and to all those things that i call beautiful memories.

    Life doesn't suck even now. I love it. But still, maybe the past was even lovlier. I would just say that make the present the lovliest, make it worth remembering. Cause, Mahnoor, you will never ever be able to turn back time no matter how ever much sceiece explores every galaxy out there.

  9. I've been wishing for the same thing since I turned 16 years old. In January, I'll be 18 and now I look back and wish I had more time to be a kid.
    Cheer up, life seems to suck right now, but it'll all get better soon =)

  10. I am happy at this age :).I was dumb (stupid) kid.
    Lovely post

  11. I get you like totally. Sometimes i wish to be a kid again. That was the time yar like seriously full time masti and had no worries no tension , life was awesome that time. its Beautiful abbi b Allah ka shukar but being a kid is something really awesome. when we were kids we just wanted to grow up like now and now whn we are grown up we wanted to be a kid all over again hehe :D


    we all wanna be kids again, and that will go on, but we should enjoy what we have right now :)

    @crystal.. what huge comment? :O

  13. you're so right!

    who doesn't want to be kids again! i would give anything to go back to that Christmas when i was three years old, when i received a huge baby toy! so nostalgic!

    jos xx