Friday, 4 October 2013

Diary of a Silent Lover.

my dearest,

I have never been fond of writing, and I have never been an avid reader, but I know how much words influence you and what they really mean to you, so I thought to give it a try. I thought of scribbling down what you are to me.
But oh love, you are a lot more to me than words are to you. I promise you that.

See, at times we aren't sure where life's taking us. we struggle to make sense about it. Of it. We strive to mold it into the palms of our hands, so we take it where we want to go. At last we give in, when we have no strength left. We simply choose to go with it. What do they call it? Yeah, go with the flow. Exactly that.
And funnily, that is when the strangest things happen to us. the most unexpected happens, then only. That is what I'll call you. MY most unexpected possession.
I had lost all my hope. In life. In love. I thought, love isn't supposed to happen for me. That I don't deserve that. Turns out, I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things.
Your smiling face, that came in front of me. i remember you, but that glimpse that remains when you haven't seen someone in six years long time. So it was different. But it did the same thing to me, that it used to do six years ago. It was pretty unbelievable. It wrecked me. Tore me apart. it was coming to me more furiously and ferociously. You were like the gush of the water that flows with so much intensity, it takes rocks with it. you were that water, and I was one of those rocks. I wanted to be rock, broken into pieces by the intensity of water, so one part of it could flow with it forever. One piece, that would be torn and broken, but still be complete as long as it was flowing with the water. That rock, and that water.
It was just a few days until i was flowing with you. And I knew, I had to do something about it. Life, for once, told me to do something about it. So i summed up all the courage I had in me, took a sweat, and proposed you. And since the moment, you gave me that smile, my life has never been the same. It never will be. And for the first time ever, I'm glad about it.
Love, I really want you to know that I love you. I think I fell in love with you, the moment I saw you. How you talk and make that face where your nose is all crumpled. How you smile only, when you agree with something. How you never stop drinking diet coke, and tell your self over and over again it's only diet. How you hug your dad before every time you go out. How when you're reading a book and want to kill everyone who comes and interrupts you while you're at it. How you never miss a prayer, and if by chance you do, you never stop making a fuss about it. How you fret about unknown people sending you lame messages on facebook. How you eat, after you have made sure that everyone at the table has started eating. How you have to brush your teeth after every meal. How you fake laugh every time you are sarcastic. There's an endless list, and it goes on. I love absolutely each and everything about you.
Oh, and how you kissed me so passionately, and felt guilty about it cause we are not married yet. I kiss those lips in my head every time i close my eyes.
It hasn't been long, but you're all that my life resolves around now. The smile on your face is the smile on my face. The smell of you is what lingers with me now. The sound of your heart, thumping on my chest is all my ears hear now.

It's all so funny cause its been a few hours, and I can't believably imagine my life without you. I had the best day of my entire life with you today.
I just wish I had done it earlier, I mean, asked you to marry me. I could have had more time with you, thats the only thing i regret now. Since you just have a few days and then you're going back until we get married, thinking about it makes me sad already.

You're my day, and my night. And all the things bad. And all the things good. My happy ending. My happy ever after.
You're my everything.

I love you, love. With all my heart. And all my soul.
Yours and yours, only,
Your Upside Down, M.

Saturday, 22 June 2013


Been a long while since I've felt this way. Been a long, long while.
Today, after a fortnight, writing is what I have found solace in. The pens moving, spelling letters, making words, sentences, and finally paragraphs.
There's something about a summer night. A lonesome summer night. It brings a gloom, grim and eerie beat to your heart. The intensity increases and so does the beat. Like fighting a couple of monsters inside you, not realizing who the real monster is. The hot air, no matter if the air conditioner is on, sways you along your past. You're entrapped in your own thoughts, the guilt and the regrets building in.
No, what's done is done. And what you've done is what's made you. But there are still the disappointments that remain. The disappointments in one's self. You try forgiving everything and everyone, including yourself, yet there's something that won't leave. That's engraved on your heart, like a stone engraved by a prisoner, counting days and weeks, until he can be free again. You're free, yet you're not. You're the prisoner of your own past.
"Cry; for it lessens the pain."
Yet, crying doesn't bring you happiness. Crying doesn't even removes the sadness. Crying takes you right back to where you started.
Emptiness. The emptiness within you.
It won't let you alone. found a paper and a pen. enclose all your feelings to a friend who'd never betray you; paper. let it move along you, by you, with you; pen.