EMPTINESS.

Been a long while since I've felt this way. Been a long, long while.
Today, after a fortnight, writing is what I have found solace in. The pens moving, spelling letters, making words, sentences, and finally paragraphs.
There's something about a summer night. A lonesome summer night. It brings a gloom, grim and eerie beat to your heart. The intensity increases and so does the beat. Like fighting a couple of monsters inside you, not realizing who the real monster is. The hot air, no matter if the air conditioner is on, sways you along your past. You're entrapped in your own thoughts, the guilt and the regrets building in.
No, what's done is done. And what you've done is what's made you. But there are still the disappointments that remain. The disappointments in one's self. You try forgiving everything and everyone, including yourself, yet there's something that won't leave. That's engraved on your heart, like a stone engraved by a prisoner, counting days and weeks, until he can be free again. You're free, yet you're not. You're the prisoner of your own past.
"Cry; for it lessens the pain."
Yet, crying doesn't bring you happiness. Crying doesn't even removes the sadness. Crying takes you right back to where you started.
Emptiness. The emptiness within you.
It won't let you alone.
Until....you found a paper and a pen.
Until....you enclose all your feelings to a friend who'd never betray you; paper. Until....you let it move along you, by you, with you; pen.

LOVE, to y'all.

Its funny how time flies, and we never imagine, we're making memories. Memories to be cherished, always. Memories to be lived on. Because, we were too busy having FUN. 


Yes Rabia, I remember the first day we met. I remember how we stencil

led together. I still remember how you called me up in the morning, 6ish, laughed when you heard my voice, and said, "so rai thee na?".
But, we prayed together, that the strike is for real, and our exams get postponed. And, they did. Yes, the Power-Of-Us.
And how last summer, I loathed, and got upset, when you told me, you'd be going to Doo-bai, and I'd have to take the first week of classes Alone. Oh, how I prayed, I could go somewhere too. So, I wouldn't be alone. And luckily, our classes did start late, but you got your ankle sprained.
Yes. And I hated, hated, hated, being alone. For my biggest fear did come true.

Yeas. Virtual lab, it was. How I used to make fun of G, before? Well, that all changed. There he was, all nice and friendly.
And there came Uroosa. Roo Roo. "Mahnoor, did you understand the layer shit?"
Uroosa, the things I remember.
And then, I befriended you and G, for I didn't have Rabia. For I was alone. And well, since then, I've never been happier. We've had something special. Something real. A bond.
How you told what you really thought of G, Roo? Well, Rabia and I, talked about that for days. Because, we did find it true.
*and now I think, if Rabia, you didn't have had your ankle sprained, we would've never known, Uroosa and G.*

How since then, no day has gone by, when we hadn't thought about eachother. How we'd made G a fool, so many times. How we'd been a pain in the ass, for everyone. How we'd stolen eachothers cells, and enjoyed the overwhelming facial-emotions. How we'd come early, and stayed till late for draping. How we'd crushed over and cursed teachers together. How we'd enjoyed during the students council elections, and thought we're the best. How we'd bunked classes and had biryani together. How we'd fancied the guy, Nash is dating now. How we'd stayed back till it were too late to stay and gossiped together. How we'd have Chai together, three times a day. How we'd post on eachothers walls to tell how special we are. How we'd escaped the firing together. How we'd planned to go for a hangout and ended up calling our drivers to take us homes instead. How we'd enjoyed making Rabia mad, at literall non-sense. How I'd bla, bla, bla-ed in front of the teachers (kicked-asses, we've). How we would never finish our work before the submission is one week late. How we'd promissed eachother we'd study, seriously, starting tomorrow.
How amazingly we've grown into, WE. US. And, how lucky we're.

I love YOU, to bits and pieces. YES. And I mean it. EVERYword of it.
I know I'm ME. And I'm mean, and dirty. And I'm not-very-talktive. And I'm careless, and stupid yet funny at times. And I REALLY like that one guy I'd never get. And I'm always mad at life.
But I know, I'm happy and I have the most gorgeously-wonder-foooool-er-est friends in the whole wide world.
I wouldn't have imagined my uni without you. And I DON'T. My uni, and my life. NAWWW.
Oh, how this makes me G-sick. Lol.
ThankYOU, for everything.

Right now, when I sit, and write this, I feel ecstatic. I feel lucky. I feel, my lifes perfect. It IS, indeed!
Yes, I know, you TWO, feel special too, but you're more special-er than THIS. WAY MORE. Promise.
Rabia, I had to do something for your Birthday, since I can't do anything else.
Uroosa, I wrote this at 8 in the morning, when I told the world I'm off to sleep, cause I wanted to be with you TWO. And because, I promised, I'll write something. For US.

So, here IS to us. To all the crazy, insane things we've DONE so far. To all the crazy, insane things we'll DO together. To the love we bear for eachother. To being lucky enough to have found eacother. To US.
ILOVEYOUTWOTOINFINITY. 

I wrote this for my UniversityLovers. Just felt like sharing.

How you've all been? I'm fine. And I love this month. It keeps giving me a ray of positivity. Hope. Believe.
Yes, i'm blogger-sick. Double yes, I miss you peeps more. 
But, i can't write. I mean, the thing i posted above, is just dumb-shit. I can write that. But i can't write, write. 
See, i don't even make sense. :o

Pray for me, i need prayers. Loads. 
Take care. And I'll try posting something in detail soon. 

All smiles* :)

LUCKY ME.

around 2 months ago, i went to this friends sisters wedding. it wasnt a total out of the ordinary, omgsocooool wedding. but there was a cool element to it. there was this guy, this HAWT guy, i saw and ohmigosh totally forgot everything else (expect for do i look ok for him to notice :P).

i was like LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. U SUCKER, LOOK AT ME, HERRRRRREE, HELLLLOOOOOO. :P trust me. he was like the hottest guy i have seen since like forever. trust me, i study in a fashion institute ans all i get to see there are GAYS. haah haaaahh. like seriously. =O

anyways, i was like there, standing with all my other friends, and praying, please let him see me. pleeeeeeeeeaaassseee.

and then one of my friends said, MAHNOOOR HE TOTALLY CHECKED YOU OUT. wooohoooooo. i was excited. super duper excited. couldnt jump in heels but i was jumping by my face expressions. (u culd have known if you were there :P)

all the time i was like, checking if i look ok. going to get pepsi, and food from near to where hes standing. working around the wooden ramp, just trying to tell him i exist. :P

the time flied then. seriously. just when i was sure he. is. checking. me. out, my dad called me and said, come on it late, im out. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. BLAST.

sooo i went home, and tried to tell myself to forget him. hes just another guy i saw. and i knew i ll be over him in a day or two :P. the next day at uni. my friend, the one whos sisters wedding it was, told me he was one of her friends and all. BUMMER right. i know, here i am trying to get over him, and there shes telling me stuff about him.

ok, well, now after like so much time,specially when i had forgotten him, i get a text, and hes UZAIR, the same guy, i was crushing on, the irony. i was excited, but not excited too. i mean i had moved on.

anyways, i was like, yaaay, hot guys notice me too, yaaay yaaaaay, a mutual crush =D

but here the catch, after a while, when we got friends, other than just strangers, i get to know hes a year YOUNGER to me. fucking stinking shit. now this is the real bummer. LUCKY ME. *bangs head on the wall*.

soooooooo......nothing left to say haaan, =S. but im doing ok. i mean it happens right. he was just too good for me. or maybe, vice versa. I WAS TOO GOOD FOR HIM. (this is what my best friend tellls me, and as i always believe her, imma believe her on this too :D)