i wanna be a kid again. DON'T YOU?

i wanna be a kid again. or someone who just got into her teens. who is so excited, and cant wait to be a girl. who is unaware of this cruel, big, mean world. who can do what ever her mind tells her to. who can wear anything without having second thoughts. cry in front of the whole world. who is not afraid of what people will call her, or fret about what names would people call her from. most importantly, who thinks love is the one hot boyfriend, who fake promises her to be with her forever, believes him, and thinks this is who she were born in this world to be with.

i wanna runaway. runaway from this world. from this home. from these friends. from this life. i wanna run somewhere, far, far away. somewhere, where being happy and being yourself wont be a sin.

everything around me, makes me wonder, if what i really want to have such a big sin? or is what i wanna do so unfair to the people i love. is not talking to anyone, is called being mean, or is me not getting highest grades in my class quizes, a disappointment to my parents?
and people, trying to help me get. a. LIFE. call that salvation? i dont get this world. i dont get what people are, and who they want to be. the deeper i dig in, the more scarier it becomes. i cant call myself depressed, i think i am just scared.

i sometimes want to know a person, who i could ask this stuff from. who could help me know what life really means. and who could give me answers to all these silly yet effusive questions, and also answerable ones, to alot of people.
i ask my dad, and he says, u are just bummed, cause of the work load on your shoulders, from university. how do i tell him, its nothing to do with the work load, or maybe he understands what i ask, but dont answer cause he wants me to find out this real world, myself?
i ask my mom, and she says, only if my dad were alive, and he could answer to all these questions in your head. i know she is right, and yeah, he could answer to all these questions, but now hes not here, and thats not my fault, right?
i ask my brother, and he says, do i look like a philosopher to you?
i ask my best friend, and she says, shes all alone, in this big, scary world, herself?

i cant ask my sister, cause she is just a kid, who got into her teens, and who wouldnt know, what i am talking about. i wanna be just like her. a KID. whose going to school, coming back, eating, sleeping, doing homework, watching television, and sleeping again is LIFE. who knows, she can call out mom, and she will be there with her. who knows, if she shouts babaaaaaa, he will be there to help her solve her math queries.
WHY CANT WE SOLVE LIFE, JUST LIKE WE SOLVE MATHS QUESTIONS? or even if we cant, can ask someone who is good at it, and get highest grade in it? or can look up for the answers at the end of the punjab textbook board mathematics book?

is life not supposed to be easy? or is this difficult, only for me?

i just wanna be a kid again, who doesnt fret about losing the things he/she already has, and who doesnt fret about the things, he/she wanna have!